At Least It Wasn't a "Barney" Mass

Some of us, no doubt, will have attended Masses that weren't quite in keeping with the General Instruction of the Roman Missal. My particular tale of woe may not, at first glance, approach the level of the LA Religious Education Congress or the infamous "Barney" Mass, but deep down, I think it's a wee bit more serious (and I'm sure I'll be corrected if I'm wrong).

I'm out of town for a family reunion. There's a particular church I want to go to where I'm staying, as it has two Extraordinary Form Masses scheduled on Sundays—a High Mass and a Low Mass. I check out the church's website and get the address, which I punch into my GPS (brought with me from home so I don't have to pay exorbitant fees to the car rental agency).

Sunday comes. GPS fired up and the route from my hotel to the church displayed, I set off.

And drive right by the church. Twice. It seems the church is out of sight, up a hill, in the middle of a cemetery. Since I had planned to attend the later of the two Masses, it's now too late to go to Mass here.

I drive toward the center of town and happen upon another church. I pull over and check out the marquee in front. Lucky me: I'm in time for the next Mass. I find a place to park and enter the church...

...to find the nave and sanctuary are abuzz with all sorts of activity. In the midst of the chaos, I spot an object on the altar that vaguely looks like a monstrance. From the fact that the monstrance is facing the nave, rather than side-0n, I have to presume that the Blessed Sacrament is exposed—confirmed later by watching a laywoman remove the lunette—so I kneel in adoration.

While Our Lord's in the monstrance, I notice a group of people lined up on the steps to the sanctuary to the Gospel side of the altar, led by another laywoman with a boom box. The people on the steps begin moving their hands, and I realize that they are deaf and are signing the lyrics to the Praise and Worship song being played on the boom box. A perusal of the parish bulletin reveals that this parish serves a large number of deaf congregants, and that the pastor is competent (if not fluent) in American Sign Language (ASL). The laywoman who reposed the Blessed Sacrament and the one leading the deaf choir are also ASL interpreters.

Mass begins, celebrated by the pastor, with the readings being read/signed by the laywomen. Father reads and signs the Gospel, although with clearly "dumbed-down" words. I think to myself that this may be a permissible adaptation, given the nature of the congregation at this Mass. Homily, Creed, Offertory, etc. go by without any noticeable problems.

Father comes to the Eucharistic Prayer, and now things start to get questionable, to say the least.

Laywoman 1 (the reposer) goes up and stands next to Father at the start of the Prayer as he says and signs it. At the Consecration, she—not Father—elevates the paten (at which Father garbles the words) and chalice after each of the Eucharistic elements is consecrated, while Father continues to speak and sign.

"Oh, great," I think. "I tried to get to a properly-said Mass—and an Extraordinary Form one, to boot—and now I'm stuck in one with a clearly invalid Consecration. I can't go up to receive, but, on the bright side, I've at least met my Sunday obligation." I stay for the remainder of Mass and leave quickly at the end.

Anyway, so far in my life as a Catholic, this was the worst Mass I'd ever been to; even the cheesy P & W Masses I've attended in a neighboring diocese come nowhere near this one. (God-awful music and Touchdown Tillie exhorting the, ahem, masses to sing vs. an invalid Consecration? Easy choice.)

Anyone else out there wanna get his/her experience(s) with dodgy liturgy off his/her chest? The lines are now open....